The blog you’ve stumbled upon is more than a website. It’s my story–imperfect as it may be. It’s a record of my highs and lows; a beautiful entanglement of both the broken and the profound. Most of all, it’s a testimony; a written account of the God who heals my brokenness, and turns my darkness into light. It’s about the God who wanted me, sent His Son to die for me, and saved my soul; securing both my relationship with Him, and my eternity in His heaven.
It’s about the God who loves me, rescues me, heals me, and gives me hope. It’s about the God I yearn to share with the world; the One I wish every human heart on this planet could know. It’s evidence of brokenness and evidence of healing. It’s proof of imperfection and proof of relentless grace. It’s the beautiful wreckage of a soul that has encountered the love of Jesus Christ, and continues to delve deeper into that love with every step of the journey.
The holidays are coming up and I’ll be taking a break for a few weeks. I asked myself: If someone were to happen across my blog only once, what would I want them to see? What parts of my story would I share?
So I prayed about it, and I put together a list of ten posts–milestones in my story–to share with you, dear reader. I pray they are an encouragement to you in your journey, wherever you are. ❤
#1: September 1st: And the Healing of a Broken Legacy.
“Four years ago on September 1st, after a lifelong struggle with addiction, depression, and abusive anger, my dad committed suicide. About three years ago, in the midst of the darkest depression I’d ever known, I stood at his grave and asked God with a heart too numb for tears, ‘Why should I believe I won’t end up right here, just like him?’”
#2: Nothing Wasted: Finding Hope in the Broken Pieces.
“A little over four years ago my life froze. A single gunshot seemed to take away all my hope for the future. My dad’s suicide changed everything.
I was scared. I was helpless. I was at that age where a person’s life was supposed to be starting, but mine had stopped.
After the initial torrent of emotion and grief, things got a little better. God provided, but I was still stuck in a circumstance I couldn’t change. And there seemed to be no way out; no way forward.”
#3: Through the Frost: Taking Steps of Faith When I can’t see Where I’m Going.
“On the ride home from a Jesus conference with my church family, the subzero temperatures caused stubborn frost to cling to the passenger windows of the car.
I get a little claustrophobic and panicky when I can’t see what’s going on around me. The only patch of horizon I could detect came from a tiny hole in the mass of frozen crystals. Everything else was a blur…”
#4: I Bought the Boots: Taking a Leap of Faith (All the Way to Colorado).
“The conversations I had with friends and family during that time were almost comical:
Person: ‘So where are you going?’
Me: ‘I don’t know exactly.’
Person: ‘Where will you stay?’
Me: ‘I don’t know.’
Person: ‘How will you get there?’
Me: ‘I don’t know.’
Person: ‘How much will it cost?’
Me: ‘I don’t know.’
Person: ‘Why are you going?’
Me: ‘Because God told me to.’
Person: *Concerned look and awkward silence.*”
#5: A Trunk full of Boxes.
“I stood in front of the trunk of my car filled with boxes the other day, and I thought to myself with grateful bewilderment: ‘This isn’t me.’
I’m not the kind of person who leaves their comfort zone to move halfway across the country. I’m not the type of person who packs up all their belongings in the trunk of their car and moves to a different state with just enough confirmation to know God’s telling me to go, but not enough to know entirely why or what will happen when I get there…”
#6: When God’s Call isn’t what You Thought it Would Be.
“Sometimes following God’s mission for your life isn’t a smile on your face or a beautiful view from a mountain top.
Sometimes it’s driving in the car as tears stream down your face, while your stomach churns with grief and longing.
Sometimes it’s frustration, discouragement, and fear, that seep into your consciousness and make your heart quiver with anxiety.
Sometimes it’s the last straw, the crushing blow, or the sheer size of the impossible looming over your head.
Sometimes it’s long days and dark nights, and blurred ink on tear-stained pages…”
#7: Finding Home.
“Home. That’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. More specifically: Where is my home?
Is it Indiana? Is it Colorado? Is it somewhere else?”
#8: I Hate Waiting: Confessions of an Imperfect Christian Who’s Trying to Maintain her Sanity.
“I hate waiting with a vengeance. Maybe there’s some good little Christian out there who makes it through the waiting process without losing their grip on reality and collapsing onto the floor in sobs, but I am not that person.
I’m a total wimp in seasons of waiting. I’m weak. I’m confused. I get frustrated. I get angry. I get scared. And if I’m totally honest, focusing on God’s truth in a grueling season of bitter waiting just grates on my nerves. I don’t want to be mature. I don’t want to be calm, cool, or collected—I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON IN MY LIFE.”
#9: Letting God Mess with Me: The Day I got lost in the Woods.
“The other day I went hiking. It was supposed to be a period of extended time alone with God. The past few weeks He’d been laying some heavy things on my heart; He’d been challenging me in ways that terrified me, and this hiking trip was meant to be a day set aside to wrestle through these things with Him.
I wanted a break through. I wanted renewal. I wanted peace and clarity and some sense of direction. Instead I got lost. Literally.”
#10: The Life I Never Thought I Could Live.
“Later that night I fell to my knees, overwhelmed by a longing stronger than anything I’d ever experienced before; the longing to see God in the land of the living; to live my life in such a way that I would see the power of God and reveal Him to others, just like so many saints throughout history.
From that moment God has invited me to live such a life. He has held out His hand and offered me the chance to experience Him and His power with every step of faith that comes my way.
He has worked miracles on my behalf. He has healed and provided and restored in ways my earthly mind never considered possible. He has filled my heart with a fiery passion to declare to the world that God is who He says He is, and He will do what He says He will do; and because of that, even the weary, war torn saint has a reason to hope; to live another day with vibrant faith in expectation of what God will accomplish through a surrendered heart for His kingdom.”
I hope you all have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! With God there is hope, and grace, and peace, and joy–and that’s a reason to celebrate! ❤