Four years ago on September 1st, after a lifelong struggle with addiction, depression, and abusive anger, my dad committed suicide. About three years ago, in the midst of the darkest depression I’d ever known, I stood at his grave and asked God with a heart too numb for tears, “Why should I believe I won’t end up right here, just like him?”
And as my heart feared there would be no answer, He replied in a still, small voice, “Because this broken man in the ground is not your father. I am. The legacy of brokenness has been swept away. In Me you have a legacy of victory and freedom. Because of My Son Jesus, you have become My child, and as such, you have been given power–the very power that raised my Son from the dead (Eph. 3)–to choose a better way of life; to choose Me.”
September 1st used to be an oppressive day. The weight of a broken legacy would sink onto my shoulders. Satan would magnify my father’s brokenness and use his death as an omen to seal my fate.
But not today. Today I stood on a mountain and I smiled. Today I looked out at the vastness of God’s creation and was reminded yet again that my God is greater than my brokenness. He has proved time and time again that there is no part of me that is too damaged for Him to restore; there is no wound He can’t heal.
Today I declare that my God is a Father to the fatherless; a Defender of widows. Today I rejoice because my God is the Great Healer. He sent out His word and healed me (Psalm 107:20). He repaired the sinews of my wounds with His truth and gave me joy.
Today I proclaim that freedom in Christ is real; that because of Jesus Christ, His sacrifice for me, and His resurrection from the dead, I have the power and the freedom to choose a different way of life.
God has broken the chains of the strongholds that have swallowed up those before me. He has taken away my broken legacy and given me a legacy of victory and healing and freedom and joy through Jesus Christ.
Today I believe God takes what Satan meant for evil and uses it for the good of His children and for His glory. There are no victims in Christ Jesus, for in Him we have overcome; in Him we have the fullness of God.
Today I believe in hope. Today I believe in healing. Today I believe nothing can destroy a child of God who surrenders their life to Christ. Today I believe in restoration. I believe in redemption. I believe in grace. I believe in joy. I believe in new life.
Today I believe in a good God and a Heavenly Father who loves me and has adopted me as His own child. Why sulk in self pity when you can rejoice in the goodness and the sovereignty of God?
I was afraid to post anything about September 1st this year because I don’t want to be pitied. I genuinely appreciate the condolences of friends and family, but there is no need for it.
New life is nothing to be pitied. On the contrary, freedom, victory, and healing are things to be celebrated–things that should make us erupt in praise to our gracious and mighty God.
My story is not written for me; my story is written for the glory of God.
If you’ve been set free by Jesus, may this post reinforce God’s goodness in your heart. If you’re in the process of healing, and the hurt seems insurmountable, may this post remind you that the journey is not in vain; that no part of you is so damaged it can’t be healed by the Savior who conquered the effects of sin and shame and brokenness on the cross.
Maybe you’ve not only been wounded, but have wounded others yourself. Maybe you look back at your life and see a trail of brokenness caused by your own hand.
Maybe it’s worse than all that. Maybe you’ve done things you know are truly evil. Maybe you’ve injured the defenseless or stolen the innocence of the vulnerable…
I don’t know what you’ve done but I know my God, and to you I want to say: There is hope for you. There is grace for you. There is redemption for you. There is restoration for you. There is love for you, and it came in the Person of Jesus Christ.
God shows no favoritism. He loves the abuser as much as He loves the abused. Both are broken human beings in need of healing and wholeness in Him. He longs to restore both to Himself and He made a way for that restoration through Jesus Christ.
His invitation of forgiveness and redemption and love and healing and purpose is open to anyone who would turn from their broken path and look to Jesus for salvation and hope.
John 3:16 “For God loved the world so much that He gave His one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life [with Him in heaven]” (NLT).
Romans 10:9 “If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved” (NLT).
For years this day, September 1st, represented death. Today it stands for life.
Not long after my dad’s death, my church encouraged us to write out our testimonies; the stories of what God had done in our lives that we could share with others and offer hope.
I remember sitting in my pastor’s living room with him and his wife, holding up a crumpled piece of paper saying, “I have no story. What is my testimony? Life was bad. I chose God, and it got worse. I have nothing to offer; there is no hope in my story.”
Little did I know the journey of healing my Heavenly Father was working in me even then, and the magnitude of abundant restoration He had planned for my future.
Genesis 50:20 says, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good; to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives” (NIV).
Satan meant to destroy me, God meant to restore me. Satan wanted to kill me, God wanted to bring me to life. Satan wanted to silence me, God wanted to use my story to save lives by introducing precious souls to the God who loves them.
I once thought I had no story, but God has given me a story full of hope. Once I could not speak, now I cannot stop speaking. Like Jeremiah 20:9 says, “If I say I’ll never mention the Lord or speak in His name, His word burns in my heart like a fire. It’s like a fire in my bones! I am worn out trying to hold it in! I can’t do it!” (NLT).
If you read this post, please don’t think “That poor girl…” instead, marvel in wonder, “What a great God.”
If you see this, please don’t offer condolences; instead, praise God for healing and ask Him for opportunities that I may better share His words that burn in my heart.
The only thing that makes me sad today is that my dad missed out on all God had for him. His life had value and worth despite the brokenness. And despite his faults, God loved him with unconditional, unrelenting love.
The only thing that breaks my heart is that my dad never opened his heart to that love; that he never knew how much God loved him, and that his life could be restored to an abundance of joy and redemption and grace and peace through Christ.
If you read this, the greatest thing you could do is to seek that God and that love for yourself; to dare to dig deeper into this man called Jesus and what He did for you on the cross (if you have questions about this, please message me 
).
If you already know Jesus, then the greatest thing you could do would be to share the love and truth of Christ with a friend who has never heard about the God who created them with a purpose, and loved them so much He gave up His one and only beloved Son to die in their place. Share hope. Proclaim freedom. Promote healing. That’s the best thing you could ever do.
Rewritten 